Somehow I'm in New York City to do a show on "Late Night with Conan O'Brien." I feel a bit like saying, "Um, you know I'm not exactly Adam Sandler?" I bring that up 'cause I'm watching Conan's show right now and Adam Sandler is the first guest (Figured I should do some research before going on the show..). I'm probably going to get bit by Triumph the Insult Dog, a sock puppet sketch gag Conan uses. Triumph alienated half of Canada when he insulted all of Quebec a year or so back with some pretty over-the-top (OK, I laughed at it...) comedy at Quebec's expense. I don't think I'll bring up why I went to NYC when I return through customs in Calgary on the way home, they'll probably strip search me or something. Anyhow, I'm pretty nervous about the whole experience, I haven't done this sort of thing before. Conan's back from break and there on the screen interviewing Adam Sandler again, who is actually funny, and funny is what people on the show want. What the hell is funny about climbing icebergs, which is apparently what we're going to talk about? Icebergs rolling over with me on them isn't too funny, or even if they rolled over on Ben Firth, who I did the iceberg climbing trip with. So I'm pretty nervous about it all--I'm fundamentally a dirtbag in need of a haircut, here I am in NYC in some monster hotel suite getting ready to do a TV show that's broadcast world-wide. I'm going to have to remember not to swear, not to fart excessively loudly, no picking my nose, in short it's going to be just like going to visit my grandparents when I was a kid. So I'm nervous.
I just noticed that everyone on the show is wearing nice clothes. I brought two dirty T-shirts and some chalk-covered Arc'teryx pants 'cause I want to bust it to the climbing gym tomorrow night after the show. Doh.
OK, now Conan has got some freak wrestler on the show, a guy named John Ceena or something. He's at least wearing a T Shirt, but has the steroid-enhanced frame to make a T-Shirt look good. I've got arms like a 10-year old. This show is giving an inferiority complex already, my hands are sweating like I'm 20 feet out on bad gear. I'm gonna have to chalk up and send it. I tape from 5 to 6 tomorrow night, Conan just mentioned that I'll be on the show, jesus!